Surrounding Yourself With Those Who Can Stand In Your Truth

I met a woman a few years back that was confident beyond anyone I had ever met. Our kids were in preschool together and we saw each other at drop-off or pick-up everyday. I wanted to become friends with her so I could figure out what drove her to be so confident, I started searching her out more and making lunch plans with her, she quickly took me up on my lunch offers. I got to see her in action more each time we got together and I loved it! Then one day, we were in the car driving to lunch and I was having a terrible day, I was down and started to tell her what was going on. She stopped me right there and then and said, “you can’t say that. You can’t think those thoughts!” Think those thoughts? They were things and circumstances happening around me and to me that were making me sad and frustrated. As if I hadn’t said anything, she started a new conversation about what a great day she was having. When we sat down for lunch, she said, “I can’t listen to negative or bad things happening to you, because I believe that you can control everything, and if you take control of your life then nothing bad will happen.” WTF? The conversation after that was all about her, so I sat there impatiently waiting for the torturous lunch to be over so I could go home, and never talk to this crazy woman ever again.

After lunch, she drove me back to my car, which was parked at her house. I got to say hello to her family, whom I had already met many times, but this time was different, I felt really bad for them. They were probably used to her craziness but it was still sad to see. Her husband started chatting with me as I tried to escape out their gate, but she quickly jumped into our conversation and started correcting him too, there were certain words she’d rather him not use, less negative words of course! The conversation was about a recent pre-kinder party that went terribly wrong. Her husband and I were volunteers for the party, and those twenty-five 4-year olds went bat-shit crazy that day. The kids had skipped naptime in order for us to have a party for some achievement the class had reached. So imagine, there was crying, fighting, kids who needed to pee, some who wanted to nap, and not enough volunteers to help distribute juice boxes and ice cream. So we reminisced about it laughing at how crazy it was, but she quickly jumped in, without having been there, she said, “Sweetheart, that’s not what happened, it was a great party and the kids had a great time!!” Some of the kids had an ok time and most of the volunteers were going crazy because there were too many things going wrong at once. But just as those 4-year olds, we weren’t allowed to say bad, negative words around Mrs. Delusional Pants!

This woman was living in a world where you weren’t allowed to feel or express anything less than perfect or happy, instead you just suppressed anything all the less than perfect. Her life was rainbows and happiness and nothing could change that. As quickly as our friendships started is a quick as it ended. I couldn’t talk about anything happening in my life that wasn’t happy? Who in the hell can live that way? Life is a huge wave with many emotions and circumstances happening, all at once! How could I only talk about the happy ones? And yes, there’s a difference between Debbie-Downer and someone who’s living their life while coping with the good and the bad.

I realized that she wasn’t confident beyond words; she was delusional beyond comprehension! After that day, I made a promise to myself to become more aware of my emotions and how I choose to cope with them, but most importantly, who I trust enough to share them with. I have a select few friends who I know are trustworthy enough to allow me to stand in my truth, as crazy or sad as it might be, without shaming me or using sensitive information against me, no matter what!  But it’s taken me nine years since that crazy interaction with that woman to find that sweet balance between sharing too much, too quickly, and with the right people. And sometimes I still don’t get it right! But such is life…Namaste.

-Fabiola

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